Thursday, July 06, 2006

Amped Allegory


I forgot many things. One of which was my camera which is too bad because the photo ops won't quit. I will attempt to describe some of the relevant scene and sights when I return tomorrow.

But in the meantime I can put it this way, the first day we arrived I reacted with what must have been a full on panic attack. I ran out of the hotel in a kind of shock, talking out loud to myself, and trying to grasp onto a method to leave this place with more desperation than I ever recall having. Having traveled here five hours through the extreme heat of alien landscape through the vast Mojave desert, arriving to 100,000's of people crowding the bladerunner like street scenes, I felt trapped in a way I hadn't before. Trapped by the environment. Trapped by the location as I would parish trying to walk out. Trapped even in my own body. In short, I fully freaked.

I am normally terrified to fly, but actually would have been happy to ride in the talons of a Teradactyl by my delicates that day.

I talked myself down, got over it through some pretty radical new insights about what it means to be alive. I found my new motto to be, "How one deals with Vegas is how one deals with life", because Vegas is an amped up version of the world, from one point of view. I found that going through both, looking for small graces, does the trick very well.

See you soon.


  1. Wow Shellster, sounds pretty intense!

    I wonder if you didn't build it up in your mind too much before setting off... I mean in a negative way? It seemed like you were dead set from the start against liking any part of this. I'm wondering... if you had set off with a more 'let's see what we can find to like about this trip' attitude, if that would have helped? I don't know, I'm just wondering.

    Anyway, sorry to hear about the awful experience! It's only a little longer now! Come back to Halfland... we're waiting for you.

  2. Thank you, Mike. I really appreciate your kind note.

    Believe it or not, I really did think I was going in with a let's -make-the-most-of-it attitude. You are quite right, I had DREADED the trip for months and fundamentally didn't want to go because the whole thing was so antithetical to my preferred experience. But it was never meant to be a "holiday". I went solely to make Paul's parent's last bit-of-fun trip workable. They make each other miserable and the mum needs to be cared for nearly 24 hours a day.

    I'm not easy going with certain things, that's the trouble.

  3. Hey, don't feel too bad about it... I've had that 'gottagetoutaherenow' feeling a few times. Usually there was lots of alcohol involved, and I just started running across people's lawns! Fun and embarrassing at the same time! Bit I was never trapped in an artifical 'paradise' nestled in the heart of inhospitable desert... it's about like being in alcatraz! Only with fake plastic trees and hard-gambling tourists. I can understand your need to escape.

  4. Damn Straight, Skippy!

    Thanks for telling your tale! LOL! And thanks for understanding what I felt. It WAS EXACTLY like a bone dry Alcatraz!!!!


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